Praveen Kumar opens up about depression; says he wanted to take his life

Former India fast bowler Praveen Kumar opened up about his battle with depression and admitted that he wanted to end his life as well. The Meerut pacer, who retired from international cricket in 2018 after being overlooked by the Indian selection panel, spoke about his dark phase and his battle with loneliness and mental health issues, however, he spoke about the importance of his family who helped him get back on track.

Praveen last played a match for the Men in Blue eight years ago against South Africa in Johannesburg. He is no longer in the fray in the Indian Premier League as well, and he spoke about the day when affected by the loneliness, he walked out of his home in November 2019, determined to take his life.

“I told myself, ‘Kya hai yeh sab? Bas khatam karte hain (What’s all this? Let me just end it)’,” Praveen told The Indian Express.

But a picture of his children stopped him from pulling the trigger. “I realized I can’t do this to my phool-jaise bachche (innocent children), put them through this hell. I turned back,” he added.

He was soon diagnosed with depression.

“India mein depression concept hee Kahan Hota hai (Who understands depression in India)? Nobody knows about it and in Meerut, certainly.

“I had no one to talk to, felt almost constant chid-chidapan (irritation). As a fast bowler, I had to do a lot of thinking (to out-smart batsmen). I told the counselor I was unable to switch off thoughts,” Praveen said.

On his future plans, Praveen says, “UP cricket gave me everything, it’s my home. Apna maarega, phir bhi chaaon mein daalega. Doosra maarega toh pata nahin kahan faink de (If our own people hit us, they will at least throw us in the shade. Others can throw me anywhere). I told my friends that I have played all my life in UP, and I want to be the bowling coach of UP. I have the skill and passion to teach youngsters I can do it.

“Money has never been priority, I was lucky to see fame. All I want is to get back to cricket. That’s the only thing I know and love. Some said get into politics, but I can’t handle politics at home, what will I do outside?” joked Kumar.

“I used to fear myself a few months ago, apne aap sey darr tha. That’s what bad time does. If someone didn’t answer my call, I would feel terrible, neglected. It killed me inside. Thankfully, that dark phase is behind me. Koi nahin, PK phir waapis aayega (Don’t worry, PK will come back),” concluded Kumar.